I'll be honest. I'm not as happy as I'd like to be. Partially because I'm pretty sure I lost my best friend. And that sucks.
Not only did I lose my best friend, but I probably lost a webcomic that meant the world to me, and that I was SO excited for and SO proud of. Why? Because my co-artist probably hates me now.
I realize I'm not such a great artist. But I was so ready to make a beautiful webcomic. I didn't care if it wasn't the most beautiful webcomic in the whole goddamn world. I just wanted to draw and create that comic, because it made me happy.
And it sucks. Even though I tried my hardest to tuck my emotions away, it didn't make a difference. And now I cry not because of how much I was hurt, but because of what I lost:
My best fucking friend.
I could cry all I want about how badly I hurt, everyday, but what will it get me? No. Now I'm crying because I don't HAVE any friends anymore. He won't even speak to me.
And I posted this on deviantArt because I was %80 positive no one would really ever read it, and that even though he might still be watching my page, he'll skip over it anyway. Everyone skips over my stuff, haha. 300 messages every 3 days, and none of them are for me.
And it sucks. It does. Being alone at night is a terrible thing. Not having anybody say goodnight to you, or be excited to hear from you the next morning is terrible.
But it is what it is. I can cry all I want. But it won't matter. He won't talk to me. And when he does, it'll be awkward, and then he'll disappear again.
It doesn't matter anymore if he loves me or not. I know he doesn't, and yeah, it hurts, but I can get past that. I just wanted kinship. He wanted that, too, before I fucked it up.
He's a great person. He really is. And I'll be honest, I do still love him. But I'm moving on because it's what he wants, and I still value his friendship.
I'm just a mess. I was trying really hard, and then got shot down.I just don't know what's left of me anymore. My homelife is a mess, my love life has been destroyed and demolished, and everything inside of me is ceasing to exist.
Haha, he'll know what I mean, if he reads this.
Idk. I think I'm going MIA for a while. I don't know when I'll be back. But if and when I do come back, I'll let you all know.